I’m distraught. It's really late at night and I'm in bed feeling miserable and not able to sleep. The anger of the day is slowly giving way to exhaustion and depression and ugly nasty loneliness.... I feel like everyone, including myself, has given up on me.
It's just one of those weird spontaneous desperate moments:
I ask Maurice, the wise little monkey god/stuffed animal that sits in the corner of my bed, ‘what am I doing wrong? what do I need?’
And he says,
(yes... yes. I know, this is weird, but Just. Shut. Up. and listen)...
The little monkey god/stuffed orange animal (somewhat rudely stuffed in a corner btw) speaks his wisdom and says to me,
‘You need to trust yourself’
Whoa. Big silence in me. Space.
The Silence! All those thoughts and frantic energies that had been racing around inside me.... they're just gone. I am, pretty much, just stunned by this sudden quiet. I really hadn't known it was so loud in there.
it's a relief. I don't have answers or solutions, but suddenly I feel calmer. I'm okay. I can sleep now.
So. I enjoy entertaining magical thoughts. I think it's good for us. I think magic is a word for things we don't yet understand, not just for 'impossible' things. So what if? what if he actually spoke? I let myself believe for a moment. I listened to a stuffed animal. To myself.... to someone or something else speaking through...?
And, does it even matter? My willingness (or despair) created a portal....created an opening for something ELSE to come through.
These portals are so hard to come by and yet so essential to our lives. Especially in the midst of big painful events. There are things we can do to open ourselves up to them I think.... Some people use religion or faith or tarot cards or things of this nature. Maybe there's a way you can just look for magic in your days? Look for synchronicity maybe? Use that childhood gift of play and pretend.... let yourself pretend something for a moment....see how it changes your world? I don't care how you do it, but I hope you have a way.
So try it. Next time you're feeling distraught, try asking the universe or your stuffed animal or a random box of matches that you find in your pocket....'what do I need to know right now? what is the message I need to hear?'. Ask whatever your deepest darkest soul is needing to know, and be honest with that question, be real. You'll be surprised at the wisdom that comes through.
I'd love to hear your experiences of wisdom from unexpected sources in the comments below.